**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You ate ashes out of my bong
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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