I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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