Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
