Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
handjob tips. give me some.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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