I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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