Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
