I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
