But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
