I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
