when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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