matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
