Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
