You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
