he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
