Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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