I wish i was in the wii world.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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