I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
