you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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