I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
