I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
