I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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