I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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