cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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