Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
