The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
