apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
