Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
