how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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