yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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