Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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