Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So vagazzling was a success
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
