Apparently you make a good broom.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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