finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize