i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
