yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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