I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
