Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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