Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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