I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
