I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
