I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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