The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I will die if light touches me.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize