Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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