Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
