my mouth tastes like poor choices
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
