just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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