I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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