I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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