Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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