The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
