I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Randomize
