i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize