Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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