everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize