I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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