thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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