Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
