hell yes lets make some ravioli
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
