barbara walters just said penis...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
