Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
