Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
