Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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