you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
