Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
