when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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