you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
