wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
